


The Smoke In Your Mirror

by redwithenvy



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst and Romance, Best Friends, Black Girl Magic, Bromance to Romance, Cheating, Demiromantic Character, Demisexuality, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I feel so bad writing Rock like this she is literally a sweetheart, Implied demiromanticism, Jackie and Jaida become buddies, Jealousy, No Beta, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Summer Romance, Summer Vacation, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, because why not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25204408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redwithenvy/pseuds/redwithenvy
Summary: Heidi and Jaida were best friends; always have been. They loved each other more than anything. Well that is until Heidi meets Rock. That's where the confusing part begins...
Relationships: Heidi N Closet/Jaida Essence Hall, Heidi N Closet/Rock M Sakura, Widow Von'Du/Jan Sport (background)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. Mine, Never Yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter One: Mine, Never Yours
> 
> Heidi and Jaida are prefectly fine being domestic best friends until Heidi becomes infatuated with a stranger she met on the beach, and now Jaida is filled with an unexplainable protectiveness for her friend.

Heidi was Jaida's best friend. She was her ride or die; the Bonnie to her Clyde and every other iconic duo you could think of as well. They were inseparable; always have been. Ever since Jaida spilled her apple juice on the boy making fun of Heidi in first grade, they pretty much did everything together. Almost all of their firsts were done together, including the time Jaida had to convince Heidi that the roller coaster wouldn't be scary just for Jaida to be the one leaving the ride in tears. When they went on vacation, it was always with each other; no matter if it was to Jamaica or just for a weekend at Jaida's beach house. The only time they really weren't together was when they were asleep, which wasn't always the case either since they also loved sleepovers. The two were inseparable, and that's the way they liked it. 

"Heids!" Jaida exclaimed, pulling the remote from her friend’s hand, as well as the bowl of popcorn that sat between the two of them on the floor. Heidi fought back, latching her body onto Jaida’s, her hands reaching around her large afro in an attempt to win the remote back. They’d been doing this for about 15 minutes now while deciding on what movie they would watch. It was their first day of their month-long vacation at Jaida’s beach house, the only difference to this vacation was that it was their first time without any sort of parental supervision. It was senior week, their first opportunity at freedom, and their idea of that was being obnoxiously loud while fighting over the tv remote. 

“You _literally_ just told me I could choose the movie, bitch!” Heidi yelled, very close to hysterics at this point. She could barely keep herself upright on Jaida’s back; she was laughing so hard. Jaida was too busy stuffing the remote down her bra where she thought Heidi couldn’t find it, but she ended up forgetting it was Heidi we were talking about, and she didn’t care where the remote was as long as it was in grabbing distance. As soon as Jaida had moved her hand away from her chest, the remote had already been snatched up by Heidi’s sneaky fingers. 

“It isn’t fair that my boobs aren’t big enough to conceal that thing!” Jaida complained, rolling over to throw her friend off her back. Heidi only laughed at her in response and began scrolling through Hulu again. They would be using Netflix if Heidi could remember her dad’s password, so this was the next best thing. They really weren’t sure why they were even putting on a movie, it wasn’t like they were going to watch it anyway. They would end up making stupid comments that turn into nonesense conversations like they always do, and it would end with one of them realizing the end credits were rolling. Despite them knowing the outcome, they still took forever to pick the right one. Heidi called it _high quality background noise_ ™ (and yes, she does say the ™ with it). 

“Girl, you’re a full cup size bigger than me, don’t complain.” Heidi said, pushing up one of her B cups before flipping Jaida off. Jaida rolled her eyes and rolled over a little more until her head rested on the other girl’s thighs, resting with a content sigh. She stared at the screen while Heidi flicked through movie after movie until they landed on one named _Booksmart._

“What’s that one?” Jaida questioned, pointing to the screen. Heidi clicked on it, knowing Jaida well enough that when she asked about a movie, that was going to be the one they “watch”. 

“I guess we’ll see.” Heidi shrugged, reaching down to pop some popcorn into her mouth. 

___

Jaida woke up the next morning with the thwap of a pillow smacking across her face. She could feel Heidi’s body weight pressing down on her torso, which is where her hands naturally gravitated to land on her waist once once her body had calmed from the slap. She greets her friend with a tired grunt and her nails digging into her side to express her displeasure in being woken up. “What do you want?” Jaida grumbled, moving one of her arms up to cover her eyes from the blinding sunlight light that filled the room. Heidi scoffed and grabbed her arm, yanking it from her face and pinning it above her head. The action took the slender girl by surprise; yelping as she locked eyes with her best friend. She had a devious smile on her face, which usually meant that there was something she wanted from Jaida. 

“I wanna go to the beach! I promise we can get ice cream later!” Jaida huffed, pushing the girl off her lap and sitting up in bed. Even with the whole house to themselves, she guessed that they’d forgotten they didn’t have to share Jaida’s queen anymore. She could see Heidi’s belongings strung out across the floor as well as the evidence of Heidi’s body imprint on the other side of the bed. Old habits die hard, she guessed. 

“We can’t go to the beach now, we are going to a beach party tonight. We’ll be beached out!” Jaida said taking her own pride in being the logical one of the two. Heidi groaned, pushing her face into the pillow. She still had her bonet on from last night, which was currently slipping off, which Jaida took it upon herself to adjust. She reached over, tugging the front forward onto the girl’s forehead, then doing the same to the bottom side. Heidi mumbled a soft “thank you” through the pillows, still not moving her head in pure brattiness for being told no. 

“Get up, bitch! We can do legitimately _anything_ else today.” Heidi’s head snaps up, a testing look on her face. Jaida prepared herself for a smart remark. 

“Fine, lets go to the bay.” Jaida rolled her eyes. 

“That’s still a beach, Heids.” She stated as she got up from the bed. Hedi fully sat up, crawling on the bed and pointing a finger towards her friend. 

“But it’s a beach we _aren’t_ going to tonight!” Heidi rebutted, causing Jaida to roll her eyes once more. She crosses her arms over her chest as she looks down at her friend who adorned a sly smirk on her lips. She couldn’t help but agree. 

“Fine but you’re paying for both our ice creams.” Jaida said as she turned around, heading into the bathroom the room was connected to. Heidi did a little victory dance on the bed before jumping up from it and shimmying her way over to her still unpacked suitcase. Her body filled with the renewed energy of getting her way and she was happy with it. She even picked out a yellow and white sundress to match her mood. 

Once the two girl’s had gotten ready, they headed downstairs just to be greeted with the mess they made last night in the living room. From the fort made of cushions in the corner to the now cushionless couches that were covered in loose popcorn, the whole room was a mess and neither girl wanted to have to deal with it. They both simultaneously give each other a look, before they both turn back to the mess with matching groans. 

“I told you to clean up last night!” Jaida complained, leaning over to pick up two empty bottles of root beer off the floor, willfully deciding to be ignorant of the small stain the soda left on the carpet. Heidi decided she would take initiative by dismantling the fort, balancing two large cushions under each of her arms, which proved to be way too small for the job. She ended up dropping a few in her mission to return them to the couch, Jaida vacuuming the popcorn before the other girl placed each one. They worked well as a team, and everything was cleaned up within thirty minutes, but that was still too long for Heidi’s impatience to find the beach. 

“Hurry up, J!” Heidi exclaimed impatiently from the doorway while Jaida looked all over for her car keys. Jaida scoffed from the dining room, still frantically looking for her keys. 

“It would go quicker if you helped!” Jaida retorted with a little bit of humor dripping in her words. Heidi sighed as she stomped around and began to look. Her patience was growing thinner and thinner the more time passed but she didn’t want to be too obvious to Jaida because it wasn’t her fault that all this was happening nor was it Jaida’s responsibility to take care of Heidi’s emotions. She just silently looked until she heard the jangling of the keys sounding off in the other room. “Got em!” Jaida shouted from the living room, causing Heidi to sigh once more, this time in gratefulness. 

They stroll outside with their arms linked. Heidi was to no surprise dragging her friend to the car, ignoring the complaint of the heat by Jaida. The sun boiled down on them in the heat of the southern june. It was something they were pretty used to, but Jaida was never someone who liked summer all that much anyway. She always preferred the chill of fall where she could cozy up in a nice hoodie and not have to worry about it being too cold. She was never one to dabble in extremes, which summer was. Heidi on the other hand couldn’t get enough of summer. She loved the beach and the boardwalk and just about everything that came with summer. The heat was never something that had her too bothered, she was too busy living in the moment to worry about it, something Jaida envied more than she would ever admit. 

“You’re the one with the driver’s license so hurry!” Heidi whined as she waited by the passengers side of the vehicle. Jaida looked at her friend, admiring how desperate she was to spend the day with her. Heidi was really cute when she got restless, Jaida thought. She unlocked the car as she rounded the corner to the driver’s side, slipping into her seat with Heidi grabbing her bag from her arms purely out of habit. They worked as a unit and without asking; another one of their little things that added to their very special bond. Jaida slipped the key into the ignition, turning it a few times until it finally turned on. She hated her old car, but her dad insisted that if it wasn’t broken, why replace it. Jaida argued that anything that was made in the nineties was broken by now. 

“Do you got the directions to the bay?” Jaida asked as she fastened her seatbelt. Heidi nods, pulling her phone out of her bra and opening google maps. Soon enough, they had her phone propped up on the stereo and they were on their way. 

___

The two girls walk down the length of the beach, their arms linked together while their other hands were too busy with their ice cream cones. It was noon, so the sun was even more relentless on their skin than ever before. Jaida had to fight back the urge to climb into her car and put the AC on blast for the sake of her summer loving companion. Heidi didn’t seem to notice her discomfort, mainly because she had her eye on a girl walking in a handstand in front of them. She looked on at her with pure fascination for the stranger. I mean it wasn’t everyday you see someone doing that, especially not on something as unstable as sand. She decided it was easier to blame her infatuation on the strangeness of the situation than to think too much into it. The closer and closer they got to said handstanding girl, the more Heidi’s ice cream melted.

“What are you looking at?” Jaida questioned, not having noticed the girl at all. She was too focused on the creamy goodness in her hand to be looking around at too much. Heidi’s eyes snap away from the stranger and land on Jaida right before she feels freezing ice cream drip down onto her chest and dress. Before she had time to react to either, yet another thing catched her attention, and that thing sends her falling down into the sand, along with her cone. Somewhere in the background she hears Jaida yelp and mutter something that she couldn’t make out due to the volume of the shoreline. 

“Are you okay?” A woman’s voice calls out before a face appears in front of her. It was the girl who was just walking around in a handstand. Her pink hair falling onto Heidi’s face from the sudden close proximity. Heidi felt like the air was knocked from her lungs just looking at her. She was stunning, and she was touching her. The perfect recipe to make even someone like Heidi a stuttering mess. 

“Y-Yeah, I’m cool.” She nodded, allowing the girl to help her to her feet. Once up on her feet, Heidi felt Jaida’s hands on her, pulling Heidi into her arms instead. She groaned at the now lack of contact from the pretty gymnast, but didn’t fight Jaida’s hold away. 

“I’m really sorry for kicking you down. I didn’t exactly see you there.” The girl laughed, scratching the back of her neck nervously, which made Heidi swoon. She wasn’t one to believe in love at first sight, but what's the harm in a crush, right? Jaida scoffs silently as she takes another lick of her ice cream, still holding her friend protectively under her arm. _‘Then you shouldn’t be walking like that!’_ She complained internally despite keeping a smile on her exterior. 

“It’s no problem! We all accidentally kick people down, it's alright!” Heidi said chipperly, confusing Jaida with her tone. Heidi was not one to take an apology so easily, and Jaida knew that. The fact that she wasn’t even a little bit upset right now was concerning to her, but she decided to brush it off. All she wanted to do right now was get away from this girl so she could keep on enjoying her friend’s company alone. She didn’t appreciate the interruption in the slightest; especially in the fashion it arrived. 

“I can buy you a new ice cream cone if you want.” The girl pointed down to the cone which was now mostly submerged into the white sand. Heidi adamantly nodded while Jaida shook her head at the idea. What Heidi needed right now was to get away from the klutz, not to take her on a date! At least that’s what Jaida thought. On the other hand, Heidi wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to spend more time with the girl. She seemed so sweet on top of being extraordinarily attractive. She didn't think she could say no even if she wanted to. 

“Great! I’ll go grab my wallet.” The girl nodded at Heidi, completely ignoring Jaida’s opposition which made the girl’s blood boil. Now she had even more reason not to like her. She was already a klutz that could have severely hurt Heidi, but now she was that on top of being someone who was probably only acting like this to get into her friend’s pants. Who the hell did she think she was to not even look at her this entire conversation even with Heidi literally hanging off her. It wasn’t like she was making herself invisible, this chick was just an asshole. 

“Oh I’m Rock by the way!” She noted before she walked away, making Jaida change her internal statement. _Rock_ was just an asshole.

The walk from the beach to the ice cream parlor was a long one for Jaida. Not only was the sun boiling her alive at this point, but Heidi and this Rock chick seemed to be enjoying leaving Jaida out of their conversation. To be fair, it was a stupid one. Jaida listened on to the nonsense, waiting for one of them to say anything that Jaida could possibly respond to so she could insert herself into the conversation, but the more the ice cream shop came into focus, the less hope she had on that opportunity coming. All she learned for the walk was that Rock was actually short for Roxanne, and that her cheerleading team back home started calling her that initially. Besides that, it was all talk of the things Heidi and Rock ended up both liking, which left Jaida out of the conversation. Despite being best friends, Heidi and Jaida never had the same idea of what was entertaining. While Jaida could spend hours watching reality tv, Heidi preferred to play video games and watch youtube to pass her time; something her and Rock were now bonding over. Jaida never minded their difference in interests before, but now she wished that she knew what Overwatch was and what it meant to “main” something. 

“We’re here, lovers!” Jaida said in the most condescending voice she could, but Heidi didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. She laughs at the comment in fact, leading to Rock doing the same. Walking into the parlor was refreshing. It was ice cold and dark besides the light pouring in through the windows. It was just what Jaida needed right now. She walks right up to the counter, being greeted by an annoyingly chipper looking employee. The girl greets her with a “how are you” and a wave, which looking back at her friend who was giving her dust in the attention department, made Jaida feel better than it normally would have. Jaida gives her a bright smile and a nod, muttering a “good” to her as she pulls her debt card out of her phone case. She puts in an order for Heidi’s previous cone and watches as the brunette scoops out the ice cream. It was just easier for her to watch her instead of looking back at Heidi at the moment. Normally, that wouldn’t be an issue considering that in a room of a hundred people, Jaida’s eyes always found Heidi, but seeing her be so close with a stranger made her stomach turn in ways that made her extremely uncomfortable and she couldn’t explain why. 

The cashier rings her up and hands her the cone, giving her an empathetic smile after glancing over at Heidi, who sat in the corner chatting up a storm. Jaida notices the smile and gives a saddened one back. “I see you’ve lost your friend to Rock.” The brunette huffed, leaning over the counter. 

“How do you know her?” Jaida questioned, poking a hip out. The cashier chuckled and looked over to the couple in the corner before turning her eyes back to Jaida. 

“I was her fling last year. She has a thing for summer romance and she doesn’t care about you once fall rolls around.” Jaida could see the girl’s teeth grit as she spoke, almost as if she was reliving the heartbreak as they spoke. Jaida finally felt like her standoffish feeling surrounding Rock was validated, and she almost wanted to hug the girl right now. Maybe she would if she didn’t have a huge ice cream cone in her hand right now. 

“Well, I guess I’ll have to warn her about that.” Jaida half laughed. “ Thanks for letting me know, uh,” Jaida looked down at the girl’s name tag. “Jackie.” She smiled as she spoke her name, making Jackie smile back. 

“No problem. If you need to talk about anything else this summer,” Jackie started, pulling out her order sheets from her bra as well as a pen from the cup of them sitting in front of the cash register. She scribbled something down onto the paper before handing it back to Jaida. “You can just let me know.” Jaida looked down at the paper, seeing her number written on it in big writing. Jaida nods, flashing her a quick smile before turning away and walking back over to Heidi, who was currently laughing at something Rock had said. 

“Here.” Jaida said, unceremoniously shoving the cone in front of Heidi’s face. The girl jerks back, giving Jaida a strange look before taking the cone on her hands. 

“Did you pay for this?” Heidi asked, knowing it wasn’t like Jaida to buy anything without her. To be honest, Heidi hadn’t even noticed Jaida go up to the counter in the first place. 

“Yeah, I did, now eat it.” Jaida said, not bothering to hide her impatience. Heidi could tell something was off with her friend, but didn’t want to bring it up right now. Not with an audience. So she just nods and eats what Jaida provided, continuing her conversation like nothing ever happened. 

It took a while for them to finally leave the parlor, and most of that time was spent with Jaida looking at her fingernails, just waiting to be included in any sort of way, but that didn’t come around until Rock finally left and the two girl’s were finally on their own again. Today proved the point of why Jaida hated hanging around other people when she was with Heidi. Heidi was way too friendly, but she didn’t have much of an ability to multitask, which rendered it difficult to hold conversations with multiple people at once. Due to this and Jaida’s innate desire for her best friend’s attention, anyone that got in the way of that was usually labelled as a pest to Jaida, and guess who just got added to that list. 

“Hey, J?” Heidi asked, her voice low and out of character. Jaida’s head snapped around to look at her. She seemed sheepish both in tone and body language, which confused Jaida considering how she was just chatting up a storm a few moments ago. 

“Yeah?” Jaida asked back, slipping into the front seat of her car, while Heidi only opened the passenger’s door, not bothering to get into the seat. 

“Are you okay?” The shorter girl asked, shuffling a little awkwardly on her feet. 

“I’m fine, Heids. Now get in the car.” Jaida scoffed, brushing her off. All she wanted to do was go home right now and not have to deal with Heidi until tonight. She could really go for a nap right now to get her mind off the events of today. Or maybe she could text that Jackie girl from the parlor, maybe that would help her think about anything besides how much Rock made Heidi laugh and how much she knew that she was the only one that was supposed to be able to do that. Maybe it was just jealousy, but that last thing she wanted was to lose her best friend to someone who just wants to dump her by the end of summer. 

“I got her number…”Heidi said, still sheepish as she climbed into the car. Jaida doesn’t bother looking at her as she pulls out of the driving spot. 

“I know. I was right there.” Jaida said monotonously. Heidi turns her head to look at Jaida. She could tell something was bothering her, and it was so unusual for her to not open up easily to her. She couldn’t decipher why; but she was definitely trying. There was usually no reason that would ever render Jaida silent. She loved to talk, maybe even more than Heidi, and for her to be silent when so obviously upset was something of concern. 

“What’s wrong? Don’t say nothing or I swear I will jump out of this car right now!” Heidi half yelled, fully turning her body to Jaida as the other girl kept her eyes glued to the rode despite them being at a stoplight. Jaida huffed, letting her head fall down onto the steering wheel for a moment before hearing a car honk behind her signaling it was a greenlight. She quickly drove off as fast as she could, only slowing by the next time she came across another traffic light. She had yet to even acknowledge Heidi, but it wasn’t on purpose, that honk kinda just made her forget about what Heidi said entirely. “Jaida!?” Heidi yelled, very impatient by this point. 

“What?” Jaida yelled back as she pulled down their street. 

“What’d I do that’s got your panties in a damn twist?” Heidi asked as they pulled into the driveway. Jaida shuts off the car as quick as she could and undid her buckle, before falling back into her seat with a deep sigh. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Heids. I just wish you bothered to say a word to me while you were hanging out with that girl you’re obviously _so_ in love with.” Heidi shut her mouth the second Jaida stopped talking, but Jaida didn’t give her much room to respond. She just climbs out of the car as quickly as she could, leaving Hedi in there alone. Heidi clenched her jaw as she thought of what to do. She had never really seen Jaida so mad before, and over something so trivial and easily apologized for. Heidi just couldn’t see what the big deal was. Sure, she knew that she probably shouldn’t have done that, and yeah she should apologize, but it wasn’t enough to make Jaida this angry. Jaida never got angry; especially not with Heidi. 

“Jaida!” Yelled once more as she struggled out of the car, grabbing the purse Jaida forgot in the car on her way out. She chased after her friend, nearly tripping on one of the decorative rocks on her way to the front door. “Look, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have done that!” She admitted, warranting Jaida to turn around from her attempt to unlock the door. Jaida looked her up and down, seeing her holding her purse, making her heart melt a bit seeing that even while yelling at her, she still was thoughtful enough to not let her leave that in the car. A small act of kindness, but one that reminded Jaida of how much Heidi actually cared for her. And with that, her annoyance melted away with a smile. 

“Come on, bitch!” Jaida said, holding out an arm to invite Heidi into a hug, which the other girl happily took. Jaida pulled her into her side before leading the two of them inside, internally reminding herself that no one could ever take Heidi away from her, especially not some random girl from the beach.


	2. I Don't Know What Love Is (But Maybe You're It)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2: I Don't Know What Love Is (But Maybe You're It)
> 
> Jaida comes to the realization that she might be in love with Heidi, but uses her extensive movie knowlege to deny it ft. Jaida being a confused demiromantic just cause I felt like it.

It was 7pm when both Jaida and Heidi realized they forgot to get ready for the beach party tonight, and lord knows Widow hates when people are late. Jaida is currently running around in the entirety of the upstairs looking for that dress she left here last year while Heidi is in the bathroom frantically putting together a face of makeup that is presentable. Even with just the two of them in the house, you’d think an entire sorority lived here based on all the yelling that was currently going on. 

“Jaid! Do you think I have time to curl my hair?” Heidi asked, her wig currently in a loose bun as she carefully applied her eyeliner. Jaida temporarily stops in her tracks in the hallway, shouting a “No!” before rushing into her mom’s room, thinking maybe she left it there. Heidi huffs and pulls out the curling iron anyway, she’d just finished her makeup anyway and she had her outfit on the bed since they got home. She didn’t have to worry about time as much as Jaida did. 

“I found it!” Jaida exclaims from her mom’s room, excitedly skipping from there into her’s and Heidi’s shared bedroom. She takes no time at all to strip off her short and tank top, she didn’t have time to keep them on. She doesn’t take notice of the bathroom door being wide open or to the girl standing there watching her walk around naked with a hot iron in her hand. She was too focused on finding where she left her strapless bra. Heidi didn’t say anything, just observed the way she moved in the unlit room. She liked the way the sunset highlighted the curves of her body and the way her muscles tensed and contracted everytime she moved. She knew that Jaida was fit, but she guessed she never really paid attention to the results of it before. After a moment of looking, she went back to curling her hair. Even if they’d seen each other naked plenty of times before, she still didn’t want to be caught staring. Jaida was straight and she didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, especially since Jaida knew that Heidi was a lesbian. The only thing that scared Heidi more than spiders was being seen as predatory, and that fear didn’t exclude her best friend, no matter if she was an ally or not.

“Guess who didn’t listen to you!” Heidi asked in a sing-songy voice and she wrapped a piece of black hair around the iron. Jaida smiled to herself as she latched the now found bra around her chest, once again finding herself admiring how cute her friend could be. 

“And you are the designated driver for that!” Jaida retorted, making Heidi pout. 

“That’s not fair!” Heidi whined, letting the hair fall down once done curling. Jaida grabs her matching panties and tries her best to slip them on smoothly without falling over, but it was hard to do with her long legs. 

“You know what else isn’t fair? Knowing Widow will yell at me for being late because I have the car.” Jaida laughed as she successfully got one leg into the panties, nearly falling over in the process. Heidi laughs too as she reaches for another strand to curl. She surprisingly got a good amount done already. After this strand, all she had left to do was the back. While Heidi worried about her hair, Jaida was desperately trying to swim into the skin tight bodycon dress she picked out for herself. She swore it fit better last year, but since last year she has discovered the miracle that is Heidi’s grandma’s apple fritter, so she wasn’t as shocked as she normally would have been. But she gets it on eventually, and looking into the mirror, she finds she actually fills it out a lot better than before. Her curves left no room for wrinkles and it was tight enough in the front to outline her abs. For the first time in too long, she felt beautiful, and the first thing she wanted to do was show Heidi, of course. “Heids?” Jaida asked quietly. Heidi appeared in the mirror behind her, struggling with her hands and the iron tangled behind her head. The second the girl’s eyes landed on Jaida, her arms and jaw both dropped. She quickly moves to set the curling iron on the sink before rushing over to flick on the lights and look more closely. 

“Damn bitch!” Heidi exclaimed, looking at the way the dress sculpted her body to perfection. There was not an inch of her body that looked in anyway flawed, and Heidi felt floored. “I knew you had curves, but fuck, you look amazing!” Heidi cheered, making Jaida smile like crazy. She could feel a blush creeping up, but thanked her dark skin for mostly concealing it. It wasn’t unusual for Heidi to compliment her, but each time it felt like it got more special. 

“You think so?” Jaida asked, acting jokingly oblivious as she struck different poses. Heidi laughed and pulled her into her body, her ass pushing into her stomach as they both stared into the mirror. 

“Yes, but I have an important question for you.” Heidi whispered into Jaida’s shoulder. Jaida felt her breath hitch as she looked at her friend in the mirror, still a little shocked from the sudden close proximity. She nods slowly, swallowing the new lump in her throat. She had no clue what’s gotten into her, but it was almost like she suddenly felt sick. It wasn’t all that bad, but she did feel like the room started spinning. 

“Yeah?” Jaida responded, hiding her sudden lightheadedness with a nod. 

“Can you curl the back of my wig?” Heidi asked, pinching Jaida’s ass playfully before rushing back into the bathroom. Jaida groans with a smile, and follows her into the bathroom anyway, grabbing the iron off the sink on her way in. 

___

The two arrive at the party, managing to only make it there two minutes later than scheduled. It was a blessing to even be here now based on how much time they ended up wasting getting “I’m mostly done” Heidi ready. Turns out, the dress she had ready had a hole in it, so they had to fish through their suitcases to find some sort of replacement. So now Heidi was wearing one of Jaida’s cocktail dresses in a color she would normally never wear: neon green. The only reason she even agreed to wear it was because Jaida seemed to glow the second she put it on, so even if she personally would puke at the sight of this color, she still didn’t want to wear anything else. 

“Give me your keys.” Heidi said, rounding the front of the car with her purse slung over her chest. Jaida nods and tosses her keychain over to her friend with ease, which Heidi catches before shoving them into her bag. They link their arms as they excitedly run into the sand. They could already see the bonfire burning and the grill smoking from Widow’s backyard. It was loud with a mix of chatter on the beach and the sound of music bumping on the other side of the fence. It had been a while since the duo had been to a Von’du function, and they were both already being reminded of how much they missed it. 

"Hey, girlies!" They heard a familiar voice call over to them. Both turn their heads in opposite directions to find the source out of the seemingly hundreds of voices. Heidi ends up finding a clumsy Jan stumbling over in the sand wearing a pair of shorts and a purple bikini top: the Jan special, really. The blonde greets both of them with hugs and greeting kisses before Widow appears at her side unexpectedly. 

"My girls!" She exclaimed, holding two cups of booze: one in each hand. Jaida takes her into a hug before Heidi piles herself on top and then Jan as well just for the fun of it. The "Golden Girls" as they liked to call themselves all throughout highschool was back together again; finally. Heidi likes to blame the nickname on Jaida. It probably would have never stuck so well if Jaida called them that knowing that there was an existing, far more famous foursome of the same name. Poor thing thought she was so original; you should have seen her face when Widow showed her the google receipts. 

“My Dorothy!” Jaida said excitedly as the group pulled away. Widow scoffed pushing the girl’s shoulder playfully. 

“You didn’t even know what a Dorothy was until Sophomore year, missy!” 

“Well luckily my favorite Junior at the time was there to educate a poor soul.” The group laughs. They stay there chatting for a while before they both disperse into twos; Jaida being led by Jan into the kitchen for drinks and Heidi going with Widow to enjoy the bonfire on the beach. 

Jaida wasn’t usually a drinker as in she never sought out alcohol, but at parties she was definitely not a stranger to it, mostly just because it was everywhere. Gin and tonics were more readily available at most parties than water, which just made her drunkenness a side effect of a party rather than a reason to go. Luckily, she wasn’t a lightweight, at least by the Jan scale of things. Jan was blacked out by the first shot, so it was a funny scale to use, but not a very good one at the end of the day. 

So to wrap up an unneeded explanation: Jaida was about 4 of those gin and tonics in, and she could definitely feel it now. 

The house was full of dancing bodies opposed to the outside portion of the party. Most of the house was full of college faces that Jaida had never met. Probably friends and friends of friends of Widow’s now that she’s been in University here for a year now. Regardless, she was dancing up on one of them and having the time of her life. She hadn't looked around in a while, all she really had to look at scenery-wise was Jan who was currently dancing drunkenly in front of her, well,  _ on _ her. Her pale arms wrapped tightly around her waist and her head rested lazily on her shoulder. It wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but was a lot easier knowing a hot guy was grinding into your backside. 

Outside, Heidi and Widow had taken the night pretty slow compared to the other two. For them it was a beer for Widow and a can of coke for Heidi. They sat comfortably by the campfire listening to old high school friends tell stories and roasting marshmallows. The vibe out here completely contrasted to the one indoors and Heidi didn't exactly mind. She was enjoying herself and was completely content staying here all night if it came to that. 

"My friend just texted me that she's here. Wanna come meet her?" Widow whispered as Heidi was chowing down on her 4th s'more of the night. The girl nodded, giving a thumbs up as she shoved the rest of the treat into her mouth. Widow sets her beer down in the sand while Heidi downs the rest of her soda on the way up the beach, tossing in the trash once she passes Widow's fence. As they approach the beach a familiar head of pink hair comes into view, and Heidi could feel her heart light up. 

“Rock?” Heidi asked, jogging forward to the girl. The other girl smiles widely at her and pulls her in for a hug, which Heidi was not going to say no to. 

“Hey sweet cheeks, funny seeing you here!” The girl giggled. Widow looked on at the two with a confused expression and a hand on her hip. She couldn’t figure out how they knew each other considering a few days ago when she asked Rock if she knew any of her friends, she said no. 

“I see you know my good sis after all?” Widow questioned, looking at Rock with half a smirk. She nods slightly as their hug breaks. 

“Yeah we actually met this morning down by the bay. It’s sort of a funny story.” Rock explained, making Heidi laugh a little. 

“She kicked me to the ground after a failed handstand is what she meant to say!” Heidi interjected, making Widow scoff. Yeah, that sounded like Rock: the most clumsy cheerleader in the world. She was almost at accident prone as Jan, and that was saying something considering Jan arrived here today with 3 bruises all from getting too excited to come and falling down the stairs on her way out of the house because of it. 

“I guess not being able to see where you’re going while walking upside down is a good enough conversation starter. At least today it was.” Rock shrugged. Widow nodded at the two, giving them a weary eye, well mostly Heidi. Rock seemed to already be working her charm on Heidi, and having known Rock has dated 1 girl for every month that has passed this year, she did not want Heidi to get wrapped up in that. Rock was a good friend, but she had a crippling fear of commitment, and it seemed like she liked to pass her fear onto others based on how she treated her escapades. She didn’t want that for Heidi; Heidi deserved better than to be dumped by a girl she just met, but it seems like it was a bit too late to convince her otherwise based on how she was currently staring at the girl. Her eyes somehow already filled with infatuation, and it made Widow feel queasy knowing it wouldn’t work out for her in the end. 

___

Jan was currently leading Jaida outside to finally escape the overpowering smell of booze and axe body spray. It had been a long night for the two of them and they didn’t doubt that the guy from earlier was currently calling Jaida a prude to his buddies for not sleeping with him when he asked “so nicely”. It was time for a break, and the outside seemed so refreshing. The cool air of a june night hit them as soon as they stepped outside, and it made the two of them feel instantly better. There were barely any people out here by now. It was about 10 pm and the grilling frat boys had long moved into the house to flirt with any girl with a pulse, but they did leave a full plate of burgers on the picnic table, and right now Jaida didn’t care that they were cold, she was hungry and drunk enough to take anything she could find. 

“That’s so gross!” Jan giggled drunkenly, not being able to stop a quick belch to escape after her words. Jaida was too busy shoving the food into her mouth to even listen to her friend at all. It was definitely a funny sight to see, especially while off about 6 jungle juices. Jan sits herself beside her hungry friend and rests her head on her shoulder for probably the second time that night. Her head felt heavy, and Jaida’s shoulder was a comforting spot for a pounding headache. Jaida pets her hair gently, swaying the two of them back in forth to the tune of the music playing in her head. To her drunken brain, this felt like  _ the  _ life. A (cold) burger in one hand and one of her closest friends under her arm just enjoy her company. At the moment, it felt like it couldn’t get better. Well, there was one thing that could make it better, but she was too juiced up to even start to think of where Heidi could possibly be in the sea of people here. 

“Hey Jaid?” Jan asked, looking up to Jaida with puppy dog eyes. 

“Mhm?” Jaida responded with a mouth full of food. She watched as Jan took a big sigh, averting her gaze to look out on the ocean through the open gate. The fire was still burning and people were still surrounding it, sitting in chairs and on logs as they watched the contents burn. Some people were even dancing, including what appeared to be Widow and some other girl the blonde couldn’t identify. 

“I need your help with something. And please don’t ask me to explain why, I just need you to trust me and do this for me.” Jan seemed suddenly really sad, and it in return made Jaida sad as well. She didn’t want to upset Jan more than she already seemed so she nods her head in agreement to whatever it is that Jan needs her to do. Jan sighs, looking back out to the dancing bodies, her eyes falling on Widow again. 

“I need us to go out to the fire and makeout.” Jan said so quickly Jaida was barely able to catch what she had said, even when she did realize what she said, she was still confused. Jaida never made out with anyone; let alone Jan on some drunken whim, but she wasn’t about to say no after she already said yes, so she takes a deep breath and rises from her seat at the picnic table. On the way over to the fire, Jan had attached herself to her arm to the point she was basically hanging off her. Jaida felt wildly uncomfortable as she walked to the fire, and that feeling only increased seeing Heidi cuddling up to Rock while the group sang some song that Jaida didn’t know. The only open spot was the one right across from Rock and Heidi, which made Jaida’s heart sink at the thought of Heidi having to see her make out with Jan. 

“Hey Jan?” Jaida asked, seriously reconsidering agreeing at this point. Jan ignored her and locked their fingers together, which she was sure Jan knew that she didn’t like doing with almost anyone that wasn’t her mom or Heidi. Jaida felt like her heart was beating out of her chest because she was far from used to being this kind of affectionate with anyone that wasn’t her best friend, because that type of stuff took time for Jaida to build the trust to be able to be vulnerable like that.Sure she would let you hug her and use her shoulder as a support, but hand holding and other things of the sort were things that felt reserved for the ones you love most in Jaida’s mind. Not that she didn’t love Jan, she just didn’t love her on that level. She wasn’t a very affectionate person unless you knew her the way Heidi did; but only Heidi knew her that way. 

“I’m not sure-” Jaida leaned over to whisper her insecurities with the previous agreement, only to feel her friend’s lips interrupt her sentence. She knew that she couldn’t pull away and show her discomfort with the situation the way she really wanted to because she knew they had an audience and it wasn’t like Jaida didn’t already agree. There was no blame to put on Jan, so she just accepted the kiss and began kissing back to the best of her ability. She felt like she wasn’t doing it right, but she honestly didn’t have a clue. She had never kissed a girl before; at least not on the lips. The mechanics of it confused her, but she thought as long as she follows Jan’s lead it shouldn’t be too bad. 

She could hear people reacting too, which only made her more uncomfortable with what she was currently doing. It felt like all of her senses we heightened to an excruciating degree. It felt like she could hear every small comment as clearly as if they were whispering to her instead of each other and her tastebuds felt like they were on fire from all the hot saliva slicking on her tongue. Nothing about what she was doing felt right; and she couldn’t pinpoint whether it was because she doesn’t like girls or if it was just because she didn’t like Jan in particular. To be honest, she never really thought about her sexuality previously, mainly because she never felt “attracted” to anyone in the way other people describe it. She never knew what it felt like to envision romantic scenarios about guys she just met, nor did she understand how Heidi could possibly like Rock when she just met her. The only way she could ever imagine herself “being in love” was after knowing everything that there was to know about someone. In her head she couldn’t justify it as love if you didn’t know what they loved more than anything and what made them tick. Without that, how was it love? 

The whole romance thing was never really a part of her life so she never felt the need to figure out a label to describe something she thought she was yet to feel. 

The only thing that caused her to pull away was hearing Heidi Yelp an "oh" in her direction. It made her feel suddenly a lot more self conscious about the situation than previously, making her lips retract in an instant. Her eyes are met with Jan's who looked just as gobsmacked as her. They retreat back into their chairs almost simultaneously, Jan keeping a small smirk on her lips to make the kiss seem more genuine than it actually was while Jaida was left with only a soft smile grazing hers. Looking around and seeing all eyes on you was not something Jaida usually took as a bad thing. All of high school she was that center of attention. She was popular as well as being the class president 3 years in a row. She usually thrived on attention, but she hated knowing what the attention was for, largely because of the look on her best friend’s face. It was confused and almost weirded out; which only made Jaida want to retract into herself until she was nothing but a singularity. It was the obvious disapproval that made the sinking feeling in her stomach drop even farther. 

“I’m going to go get us more drinks.” Jaida told Jan, patting her shoulder as she rushed off. She felt too sober now, and desperately wanted not to be so she could numb the feeling of embarrassment that resided in the pit of her stomach. She could feel her entire body vibrating as she knit her way through the bodies of people inside the house. It seemed like everytime you reentered the house, more people popped up and now you could barely walk without tripping over a heel. Luckily for Jaida, Heidi made both of them wear sandals. 

She eventually makes her way into the surprisingly pretty empty kitchen, grabbing the first bottle she could and taking a swig. She could still taste Jan’s mouth on hers and it made her feel gross. Less because it was Jan now and more because she agreed to kiss someone she had no romantic feelings for. She’d always been so particular about that. She didn’t want to give those sorts of things away because she saw that sort of affection as something you save for the one you are in a relationship with. It was sacred and she just gave it away to someone who requested it. Sure, she couldn’t expect Jan to know about her and her feelings towards those types of things, but that didn’t make her feel better about the situation either. 

“J?” She heard a voice ask from behind her. The voice was almost drowned out by the bumping music but everything still felt too loud to Jaida for her to be able to ignore the voice. She whips her head around, seeing Heidi standing by the island sink. It felt like Jaida’s heart sank for the second time tonight just seeing her. She didn’t want Heidi to have to see her do that because Heidi knew about her aversions and didn’t want her to see her as some sort of liar or fraud. 

“Mhm?” Jaida responded, bringing the bottle up to her lips once more to take a big swig. She could feel her hands shake as she held the bottle up, causing the bottle to swing down when her hand did. 

“You wanna explain to me what happened out there?” Heidi inquired. 

“Not particularly, no.” Jaida responded, speaking quickly in unsettlement. Heidi purses her lips and nods. She could feel Jaida’s anxieties wafting through the room and felt like it was suffocating her. 

“You kissed Jan, I think that is something we should talk about.” Heidi said, not wanting to drop the subject quite yet. She wanted to get rid of this anxious feeling that Jaida had, and she didn’t want to let Jaida repair it with booze. It was something she could talk her down from, and she didn’t want to miss the opportunity. It felt like her duty to make sure she was okay, no matter how many times in the past she told her it didn’t have to be. 

“What is there to say?” Jaida asked, shrugging as she pushed herself up to sit on the marble countertop. It felt cold on her legs but she ignored the feeling besides the shiver that instinctually ran up her spine. Being here with Heidi only made matters worse, and that was the first time she ever felt that way. Heidi was completely sober and had no way of knowing what this felt like in any way at all. Heidi wasn’t naturally inclined to Jaida’s issue in any way. Heidi was quite the opposite. She loved affection and in any way you could get it. She was obsessed with love and day dreamed to Jaida about girls all the time. Heidi didn’t get it, there was no way she could possibly be able to help. 

“I never kiss people and you know that.” Jaida sighed, looking down at her lap, trying her best to avoid looking at Heidi right now. She felt like if she did she might burst into tears just at the sight of her. 

“I know which is why I’m asking how that even happened.” Heidi began. “Do you like Jan?” She continued, piquing an eyebrow. Jaida’s eyes go wide at the proposition. Her and Jan? That would never work. Jan was a party animal that knew the ER staff better than her own family because she was such a clumsy person she could probably press charges on herself for domestic violence. Jan was a rich girl who has never even done her own laundry before. Jan was everything Jaida would hate in a partner. But Jaida adored her as a friend. She was a great friend, but there was a difference between friendship and a relationship and she would never cross that line with her. 

“I’m honestly offended you would even consider that as an answer.” Jaida said flatly, glancing up at her friend, meeting her eyes for just a moment before shooting them right back down to her own thighs. The sight of Heidi’s eyes on her sent electricity spread through her chest, making it flutter in a way that felt more painful than anything. Almost like a pang of sorts; definitely the opposite of butterflies. 

“Then why did you?” Heidi continued to pester against Jaida’s will.

“Why do you care so much why I kissed Jan? Don’t you have Rock to worry about?” Jaida asked, sounding drained as she leant her head back onto one of the cabinets. Heidi sighed, keeping an eye on Jaida as she adjusted. She didn’t know how to respond that wouldn’t make her seem jealous, because she definitely wasn’t jealous. Jaida could kiss whoever she wanted, it had nothing to do with Heidi in the slightest. 

“Do you want me to go kiss her right now or would you rather me stay here and let you vent cause you’re clearly mad about something.” 

“I’m mad you had to see me kiss her, Heids!” Jaida exclaimed, slamming the bottle down on the counter top. She still doesn’t look down at Heidi, she instead decided it was better to stare up at the ceiling. It felt safer. 

“Why?” The other girl asked, leaning her back against the island, folding her arms over her chest. 

“Because I told you I don’t kiss and now I kissed someone in front of you. I feel like a liar.” Jaida admitted, sniffling to hold back the tears her drunken brain now felt were appropriate. Heidi rushes to her side upon hearing it, swiftly pulling her down from the counter and into a tight hug. Jaida’s head instinctively burrows its way into the crook of Heidi’s neck. She felt so stupid crying, but deep down she knew that Heidi wasn’t judging her so letting it out was easier than it would have been on anyone elses shoulder. 

“I don’t think you’re a liar, J, but I do think you are very drunk right now. Wanna go home?” Heidi asked, rubbing comforting circles into Jaida’s shoulder blades. Jaida sniffles again as she shakes her head against the girl’s skin. She didn’t want to leave yet, but at the same time, all she wanted was to be with Heidi. Going home just meant going to bed and being alone with her wasn’t the same as being with her. 

“Okay… wanna go for a walk?” Heidi said, spitballing any idea she could come up with. “The beach should be emptying out by now.” She offered as something of comfort. She doubted Jaida would want anyone to see her crying right now. Jaida nodded at the idea and straightened her back, looking down at her best friend with tears still in her eyes. She still had that gut feeling lingering that she shouldn’t be crying right now, but she just couldn't stop. She kept her head low on their way out of the house, luckily the loud music covered any weeping that the girl did on the way. Heidi expertly weaved Jaida through the crowd, making sure to avoid anyone important that would ask any questions which included moving Jaida across the room to avoid running into Rock. It kinda hurt her to have to move away from her, but Jaida’s comfort was far more important right now. 

By the time they reached the beach, Jaida’s tears had dried on her face and she was left with the remaining tingle radiating through her face. She looked on at the sea with a familiar tired expression. Heidi knew it; it occurred often throughout their high school years, usually after long student council meetings or when she would argue with her mom. That emotional exhaustion she knew Jaida had a low tolerance for. When she got in that state of mind, it mainly consisted of overthinking, which it appeared she was already doing as she looked on at the black ocean in front of her. 

“What’s on your mind?” Heidi asked, looping her arms around Jaida’s pulling her arm into her body so her head rested on the taller girl’s shoulder. 

“Nothing.” Jaida took a deep breath as she stared out at the horizon. Her mind was going 90 miles an hour trying to figure out what was wrong with her. Why couldn’t she just enjoy the kiss like a normal person? Why couldn’t she just be normal and not feel like love from people that weren’t her best friend was wrong. She wished she could help it. All she wanted to do was push away that feeling of repulsion towards everyone else and just love normally. It made her feel broken in a way; like her brain was robotic and not meant to love. But not even that was true because she loved Heidi. Everything she hated doing with everyone else was what she loved to do with Heidi. And with that, a realization hit, and it made Jaida want to explode into a million little pieces on the spot so she never had to think about it again. 

She couldn’t be in love with Heidi because she couldn’t be in love with anyone, right? After all if she were in love, she would have known by now, right. She wasn’t in love with her best friend, she couldn’t be. All the movies she ever watched told her that love was a crushing feeling that hits you the second you see their smile light up or when they pour their heart out to you for the first time. No one knew they were in love because they were thinking about how they were incapable of that very thing. That just didn’t happen; therefore Jaida wasn’t in love, but at the same time, what if she was? How was she even supposed to test that sort of thing? It wasn’t like a science lab, she couldn’t put her heart on a microscope and check for the love bug. She was supposed to just know, but she didn’t know if she was capable of that because she had no idea what love was like. Was Heidi what love felt like? She wished she could answer that question right now.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Heidi commented, looking up at her with wide eyes. She examined Jaida’s features intently for any signs to be weary of; anger, sadness, ect. She couldn’t pick out anything besides contemplation. Her mind seemed heavy on something which wasn’t surprising. She was probably still thinking about what happened earlier. It was the reason they were out here in the first place. 

“It’ll be nothing by tomorrow morning, so let's just take this walk and help me forget it.” Jaida shrugged Heidi off her arm and began walking, Heidi following close behind.


End file.
